I Raise My White Flag
by planetofmars
Summary: Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned.

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter One**_

Within the span of five years a lot had changed for Derek Morgan. While he was still a agent for the FBI and neck deep in the BAU, he had a different life outside of work. When he filed away the last of his paperwork, he gathered his belongings and drove home in a four door vehicle. When he arrived home he arrived to the sound of a child's laughter and a woman tidying along in the kitchen. What possessed her to feel she needed to cook for him, Derek never knew, but he was grateful to have good food in his stomach instead of the half cooked things he use to make.

Derek would place his coat on the rack in his hallway, and watch as both Clooney and his son Sean ran to greet him. Derek would hoist the four year old onto his hip as he leaned over to pet Clooney on the head. Sean was the highlight of his life with his big hazel eyes magnified by the glasses he wore and curly light brown hair, his skin tone a even tan that both he and his mother created. Sean's fingers would trail over Derek's face, pressing in his cheeks and poking the tip of his nose as he laughed. Derek would sit him down on his booster seat before finding the woman who wore his ring, kissing her gently as she told him what she was making.

She was beautiful, it was one of the first things he noticed about her after her laugh. Charlotte Goodman was a lot like Derek in that she worked for the FBI and came from Chicago. She was a tall woman with small curves and long legs, skin two shades darker than Derek's and hair grown out into soft curls that surrounded her head like a crown of auburn and ebony. She was a serious woman when it came to work, but on her downtime she was a lot more open and reachable. The two had dated for two years before tying the knot, but Charlotte's surprise pregnancy helped things along.

"Have a good day at work?" she questions, kissing his cheek and offering him a taste of the sauce she was preparing for the meatloaf she was making.

Derek licked the substance from his fingers. "Just a lot of paperwork, today. If it hadn't been for Reid, I would have been bored out of my mind," he clarifies, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of wine for them and apple juice for Sean.

"Reid kept you company? What, did you have him do most of your paperwork?" Charlotte questioned, placing the platter down on the table before taking her seat. Derek wasn't looking at her, too absorbed with helping Sean cut up his meal without it dropping on the floor with mixed results. When Derek finally turned his head, he realized she was expecting an answer. "No. I was just bored out of my mind, and he was trying to teach Garcia some physics magic...which was hilarious," he said, taking a napkin from the table to wipe Sean's mouth.

"That does sound funny. I was just making sure you weren't using him as your personal secretary again," Charlotte spoke, pouring apple juice into Sean's cup. Derek furrowed his eyebrows. "I never use him as my personal secretary! That day I was rushing to get to dinner...to meet your parents," he argued. Charlotte looked as though she didn't believe him, but nodded her head, humming as she untied Sean's bib.

"You want to give him a bath, or should I?" she inquired, lifting him from his booster seat and into strong arms. She was a strong women naturally, but with Sean her strength settled into a protective softness. Derek stood, finished with dinner, he took Sean away from her.

"I'll do it. I mean, I haven't seen him a lot these last few days, and I need to catch up with my little man, huh?" He smiled, bouncing Sean up above his head, causing the four year old to laugh happily. Sean's speech had been delayed, and he spoke with a quickness that not many people could understand except for his parents and occasionally Reid.

That was frightening for Derek, imagining the possibility that his son wasn't progressing as he should have. The ordeal had bothered Charlotte as well, and instead of talking about it with him like they should have, she had shut him out completely. Of course, JJ and Aaron had helped him as much as they could seeing as they were parents as well, but it was actually Spencer who had eased his mind. With not only his statistics, but his personal explanation that he, too, had been delayed in speech and turned out just fine. Derek smiled, watching Sean splash the bubbles of his bath all around, getting most of it in his hair.

Derek wanted the best for his son, and he wanted to be there for him as much as he could, but finding a proper balance was still something he was trying to grasp. Spencer and Penelope had helped Charlotte set up his room where shapes, colors, numbers, solar systems, the whole ten yards would be at his reach. Spencer had supplied them with enough books to open a library based solely on Children's Literature. Penelope had a game system and computer system set up in his room as well as coding manuals for when he was old enough. Derek found room for a couple of basketball and football posters, and set up a rack for all the sporting equipment he hoped Sean would be interested in.

"Da," Sean gurgled, spitting bubbles at him. Derek checked his little fingers, noticing they were beginning to prune. "Looks like your times up," he said, taking a towel and gently drying him off. Charlotte had set out two pairs of pajama options, Hulk or Captain America.

"Which one, buddy?" Sean bounced on the counter, reaching for the Captain America pajama set. "Good choice, he's my favorite, too," Derek mused, helping Sean into his clothes with only limited hassle.

Derek placed Sean into his bed, pulling the comforter up about midway before laying down next to him. With a tired sigh, Derek picked a book to read to Sean, one of his favorites. With Sean's head placed onto his shoulder and settled down, Derek began to read, "Once there was a tree... and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go-seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree...very much. And the tree was happy."

When Sean fell asleep, Derek remained there. The features he had were all over the place, but predominantly his, and he loved to look at them. Charlotte was no doubt asleep, and Derek wouldn't wake her, like many nights before, he would stay with Sean or sleep on the couch with the television on downstairs. This was his life, and it was a good one for the most part, better than others, so why then, wasn't he happy? In his heart, he knew the answer, but he was ultimately too afraid to admit it.

When he looked down at Sean, he saw himself, and he remembered growing up without a father. Derek would never walk away from Sean, and he would never walk away from Charlotte for fear that she would take his son away from him, but he also knew...that he would always have these feelings. Derek loved Charlotte, he really did, she was a great woman...a strong woman who didn't need him for anything, but Derek loved someone else as well. If he had admitted this a long time ago, he wouldn't have to struggle with it now, but that was entirely on him, and he didn't regret it. God did he struggle, though.

:::

Spencer stared at the alarm clock to his right, counting off the seconds he was losing sleep. The alarm would go off, and it would be time for work, and he would have to drink at least three cups of coffee before he left to really get going. This insomnia was killing him slowly, and his mind was all over the place, he couldn't focus on anything unless he really tried. The minutes ticked by, and he remained, never moving, only thinking. This, his life, should be something more and it killed him knowing that it wasn't.

Spencer couldn't complain, though, not really. Spencer looked at all of his colleagues, settled into their lives comfortably. Spencer hadn't changed, not much, and his stunted growth caused him a great deal of embarrassment and frustration. There was no one but himself to blame, and he understood what kept him from branching out all of the way. Within the past month, however, he really did try to get out there.

The awkward dance that was dating was completely unnerving to him in more than one way. For starters, it was very difficult for him to be comfortable enough to tell Penelope, the one determined to help him, that he didn't mind _who_ he dated, and that gender had never been a factor. She laughed, giving him a long in depth history of her teenage years Spencer thought he could go his entire life without having to hear, but it made him more relaxed. She sent him on a set of dates, and while everyone he had met, male or female, were nice enough and intelligent enough to keep him interested, he just couldn't get past more than two dates. Penelope tried and tried, but it wasn't her fault, and Spencer often tried to explain this without going too in depth.

Spencer knew whose fault it was, and that was himself. With no sleep lining his eyes, he sat, headed towards the kitchen and began his first cup of the day. He wouldn't have to leave for another three and a half hours, but he couldn't stay in bed. There were a couple of case files Spencer said he would go over for other agencies, and he decided that now was the perfect time to do so. This he could focus on instead of admitting that Derek Morgan had ruined his expectations for everyone who came into his life, male or female, and it was a awful realization.

A lonely existence is what Spencer was living, and while it wasn't abnormal, it was certainly more painful now. A lonely existence where Derek was happily married and had a great son who loved to be read to, and had a joyful, happy life. A lonely existence where Spencer knew why he was, in fact, all alone, and could never say anything about it, even if it killed him. Because if one of them was happy, why not let it be Derek? In his head, Spencer found all of this ridiculous, and knew that he deserved to be happy as well, but he wouldn't do what was necessary in order for that to happen.

No. Spencer would sit and do work, and be miserable and that would be all there was to it. Who knows? Maybe someone would walk into his life and completely blow him away, make him comfortable and confident in leading a life with them. This imaginary person had a lot of pressure on them, and Spencer felt silly, which was an odd feeling for a genius.

Spencer would get over it, he reminded himself. If only he could believe it.

:::

Derek's phone began to ring, and it startled Derek out of his sleep. Thankfully, Sean was a heavy sleeper and Derek was able to sneak into the hallway to answer it. The number was unfamiliar, and he wondered who would be calling at this hour. "Hello?" he answered professionally, noting it was almost time for him to be awake to get ready for work.

"Mr. Morgan?"

"Yes?"

"This is Doctor Jamie Toft at Mary Washington Hospital, you're listed as Spencer Reid's contact number."

Derek's face fell."What, is he hurt? What happened?" Derek questioned, moving as quickly as he could into the bedroom, searching for a pair of shoes to throw on. "Mr. Reid was in a accident this morning while on his way to work, he was struck by a car..."

"A car! He was hit by a car?" Derek interrupted, waking Charlotte as he padded around the room, still searching for his missing sneakers.

"Yes. Spencer's left fibula is broken and he has a lot of bruising to the entire right side of his body, but it's nothing too major. We're wanting to run some tests, but he should be released within an hour or two, and will need a ride."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," Derek answered, hanging up the phone and reaching for his socks. Charlotte found his sneakers, telling him goodbye as he hurried out the door.

The ride to the hospital was a frustrating one, traffic was beginning to slow everything down, and Derek was on the phone, explaining the situation to Aaron. The relief he felt when he turned into the emergency room parking lot was short lived when he entered through the automatic doors. Derek went to who he presumed was the head nurse in charge, and asked where Spencer could be located. The woman went through her notes, and directed him through a door and to the right, room 143. When Derek peaked through the curtains, he could see a restless Spencer laying wide awake and flipping through channels on the television.

"Well, there goes your record of not getting injured, huh?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned.

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Two**_

The perfect life Derek had was far from perfect as it turned out. The only people who were aware of this being true was Derek and Charlotte. It was a very hard thing to admit, and honestly, neither one of them wanted to, but it was hard to ignore. Derek spent all his time at home with Sean, and no one else. Charlotte found any excuse to stay late at work, and often went out on the weekends with friends.

During one of their worst fights as a married couple, Charlotte demanded that they attend marriage counseling. In a fit of rage, Derek threw his fist through a wall and stormed off. While it was difficult for him, he apologized and agreed to go see someone. The counselor was nice enough, but his advice didn't result in any progress other than Derek keeping his hands to himself and Charlotte away from the bottle. The issue lately was Derek's refusal to take a leave of absence to go with her to Michigan for her cousins wedding.

"You know, I don't even know why we're married!" She shouted, throwing the laundry Derek had just done all across the room, knowing it would antagonize the situation. Derek stood by the door way, shaking his head.

"Why do you think we're married, Charlotte? To bully me into going places with you? Showing me off in the clothes you buy me? I'm your husband, your partner, not some ken doll you get to parade around whenever you feel like it," he replied, voice calm and collected.

"I should just leave, it's so obvious you don't need me around. What am I to you, huh, Derek?" she bit, and Derek knew when to back off. While he hated to admit it, if Charlotte left there was a good chance she could take Sean, and he would never be able to see him, and she knew that.

"I don't want to argue with you, Charlotte. I'm merely telling you that no one is here to take care of Reid, and I offered to help him out. He can't walk, can't drive, most certainly isn't getting on the bus," Derek explained, trying to level the situation.

Charlotte shook her head, arms still crossed as she sat on their bed. She had her back to him, shoulders slump. "Admit it, Derek, the only reason you stick around is because of Sean. The only reason we got married was because I got pregnant, and if I left, you're worried he wouldn't see you anymore," she said, her voice low and hurt.

Derek didn't say anything, he really couldn't. Instead, he turned around and left the conversation where it had ended. She was right about everything, Derek would never deny that. She had the talent to be a profiler herself, and that was unnerving. Derek went to Sean's room where the young boy was napping, waking him up and asking him if he wanted to go with daddy. Sean eagerly agreed, and Derek set about helping him get dressed.

The conversation at the hospital had been quite tense, and Derek figured it had to do with Spencer's pain level and lack of medicine to dull it. Derek strapped Sean in, making sure he was secure in the middle of the back seat. With a travel cup in one hand and his favorite Captain America action figure in the other, Sean was ready to go. Derek made funny faces in the rear view mirror before merging into traffic, focusing all of his concentration on getting both the child and himself safely to Spencer's apartment. Derek had stopped for food as he anticipated the other man hadn't eaten since yesterday, and knew he would have to force him to take a bite.

When Spencer opened the door, he wasn't expecting to see both Derek and Sean on the other side. The child was happy to see Spencer, and pulled on his shirt and spoke eagerly with him about a hundred different things. "Sean, careful. Spencer's really hurt right now, and he doesn't need another boo boo, okay?" Derek warned as he set the box of pizza on the counter in Spencer's kitchen. Sean asked Spencer what was wrong with his leg, and Spencer answered in a simple explanation, igniting Sean's curiosity instead of squashing it.

Sean fell under the impression that Spencer had stopped a car with his body alone, and now had a new person to compare with the super hero's in his comic books. Derek smiled, Spencer always lightened up when he was around Sean. The more curious Sean was about something, the more enthused Spencer became while explaining it to him. Derek made a plate for each of them, placing them on the table alongside their matching drinking glasses. When Derek called them to the table, both seemed amazed he was there.

"You didn't have to get pizza for me, Derek," Spencer said, already on his second slice. Derek smiled knowingly at him which earned him a glare. "Really, I have...stuff to eat," he added, using a paper towel to wipe off the sauce that creased Sean's mouth at the corners.

"Your quite messy today, huh?" Spencer laughed, and Sean's face lit up. When his mouth opened to speak, he revealed a toothless window. "No, not me!" he yelled in his defense, kicking his feet back and forth as he laughed. Spencer didn't seem to mind that he had kicked him in his shin on the same leg he had the broken fibula.

"Sean behave, or Captain America's going on another mission to South America again," Derek warned, and Sean's legs instantly stopped moving. "Sorry," he mumbled, continuing to eat his slice.

When they were all done eating, Sean had tired himself out by playing with Spencer's cat. Wolfgang really did not like him all that much, but that didn't stop Sean from trying to make him his best friend. When Sean fell asleep, Spencer placed him on his bed and covered him up before returning back to the living room. Without Sean to distract him, he realized how awkward things were between Derek and himself. Spencer sat down even though the injury made it a bit awkward, placing his crutches to the left of him against the wall.

"You really don't have to be here, Derek. I know you've got a lot of things at home to do, and Garcia is more than willing to help me out till I get back to work," he explained, trying to sound like it was no big deal to tell Derek that he basically didn't want him around.

"Well, Garcia isn't the one on your emergency contact list," Derek answered, and what a clever response.

"You do realized I haven't changed that thing since before Sean was born, right?" Spencer laughed, causing Derek to glare at him.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"It means...you didn't have any responsibilities, Derek. You do now, and I'm not going to expect you to be at my side every time I need something," Spencer argued, and while he had a point, Derek wasn't buying it.

"You know I'm not listening to a word you're saying, right? I'm still going to help on my down time," and Spencer was growing more and more flustered.

"I don't need your help, Derek. I don't want it," he said, and the last part nearly killed him to say.

"You don't want my help, Spencer? Since when?"

Spencer bit his lip. "Since you got married."

:::

Three weeks later Spencer returned back to work, and to his absolute misery, was put on desk duty for the next two and a half weeks. Spencer hated being on desk duty, and he hated that it was for such a long time, but Penelope promised to keep him company with the added bonus of fresh brownies every day. That made things better, but not perfect. What Spencer worried the most about was Derek's reaction to seeing him again after that night. Spencer felt bad, he really did, but he figured it was for the best what he had done.

Derek had obligations to both his wife and his son, not to Spencer. Why would he force him to spend extra time with him instead of the two people who saw him the least? That wasn't fair, no matter how much he wanted his company, and so, he worked to get back to Derek's good side. Which, as it turned out, would be a lot harder than first thought. After a few unsightly and short conversations, Emily had explained that Derek had been acting that way towards everyone lately. While she didn't outright say it, she alluded to trouble at home.

Spencer hoped that wasn't the case, or that he was somehow the cause. Whatever the reason, Derek had kept his distance from everyone. Penelope noted that he was leaving work incredibly late and arriving incredibly early. Spencer offered him a brownie as a last ditch effort, and to his surprise, Derek accepted with what could be considered a thank you...in an odd, sort of offensive manner. Aaron had that look on his face that reasoned he was sure of what was wrong, but said nothing to the others.

:::

Derek, for the first time in over a week, arrived home on time. Charlotte appeared out of the living room, wine glass in hand as she stared at him with harsh eyes. She looked ready for a fight, but Derek wouldn't let it get that far.

Derek pulled out a series of folded papers from the inside of his coat, handing them to her. "I want a divorce, and I'm filing for joint custody," he said as she stared at him with disbelief.

Before she could say anything, Derek interrupted her. "Don't bother saying anything. You know why I'm doing this. You know you're not happy, and I'm not happy...and you won't stop drinking, and I can't take anymore, but I won't let you take Sean away from me," he said.

"You're a real bastard, you know that?" she cried, throwing her glass at his head and missing by at least half a foot, too inebriated to aim."I'm packing my stuff, and leaving. You can keep the house, keep the car, keep everything...except Sean," he said, moving up stairs to begin packing.

The thought that he would be away from Sean for more than a few nights was awful, but he knew this was a step he would have to take. Derek would find a new place, settle in and bring Sean home with him when everything was well and ready. When he finished, Derek walked into Sean's room where he was playing with his action figures. When he noticed his dad he abandoned his play time for a hug and kiss. Derek held him close, trying to decide how best to explain his coming absence.

"I want you to listen, Sean," Derek spoke, voice filling with emotion as he looked at his son with much affection. "Daddy has to take a trip...for work like he sometimes does, but this one's going to be a little longer," he added.

"Long?" Sean asked, pushing his glasses up higher onto his nose. Derek patted Sean on the top of his head, running his fingers through messy curls as he did so. "Yeah, long. I promise, little man, daddy will be back as soon as he can."

The tears were unexpected as he sat in his car, all the tension he felt these last few years were finally leaving his body, and it was an awful feeling. Finally, he turned the ignition and headed towards a hotel he had stayed at once or twice that was nice enough and not too expensive. While he didn't regret selling off his extra properties for financial gain, he wished he had at least kept one just in case, but he had ran in to this situation blindly. Derek threw his belongings with reckless abandon, not caring for his material possessions at the moment. Derek sat on his bed for a long time, contemplating his next move...if he had one.

While it was hard, and while it hurt, he couldn't bring himself to say this was the wrong thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned.

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Three**_

Aaron had called Derek into his office, and while he knew what it was about, he had no other choice but to go. Aaron shut the door behind him, and stared at him intently. Derek made direct eye contact even though it was very hard for him. Aaron's expression lightened slightly as he offered him a seat. Derek accepted the offer as Aaron sat down as well, lacing his hands together and placing them down onto his desk.

"I won't say anything, I don't think anything needs to be said, but I want you to know that if you need something, anything, to just say something," he spoke, voice professional.

Derek sat back in his chair, nodding his head. If anyone had faced a similar situation, it had been Aaron, but the circumstances, while similar, were also very different. Haley had left Aaron, not the other way around. Haley had taken Jack, and Derek had no plan of allowing Charlotte to have control over how much or how little Derek got to see Sean. While Derek didn't want to say anything out right, reveal anything, he figured it was obvious to everyone and he was only fooling himself.

"Thanks," was the only thing he could really offer.

The next person to converse with him on the subject was Penelope. She offered him lunch, and he gladly accepted. She sat across from him in their tiny booth, not much business going on at this time of hour. She peered at him curiously, deciding on the right words to say to him. The hesitation in her movements informed Derek that she was having a difficult time deciding which way to go about talking to him. Finally, she smiled at him and he awaited the painful question that was bound to come.

"Why are you really doing this, and where are you staying?" she questioned, pulling his spare hand into hers.

"The hotel on third street, and what are you talking about?"

"You need to get your things and head on down to my place, and you know _exactly_ what I mean," she pressed, locking eyes with him.

"I wasn't happy, and that's the end of it," Derek shoved back, not mentioning the fact that he didn't plan on invading Penelope's personal space by staying at her house.

"I know you weren't happy, I could see it in your eyes, but what about Sean? What do you plan to do about him?" she asked, concern laced in her words.

"I'm looking for a new place, and as soon as I do, I'm moving Sean in with me. Trust me, I've thought a lot about this," Derek answered, playing with his fries instead of eating them.

"What about work, are you going to get a baby sitter?"

"We have one already, Garcia. Charlotte works, too."

"Well, when you're ready to admit why you're really leaving, I'll be here. Or, you know, you could just tell that person," Garcia spoke, causing Derek to flush. He muttered something under his breath, but refused to clarify.

:::

Spencer was on his last week of desk duty. Emily was at her desk, fidgeting with a small key chain she had found. Derek and Penelope walked passed their desks, talking about something Spencer couldn't decipher. Emily's dark eyes caught his attention when they refused to leave his direction. "Isn't it terrible?" she questioned.

"Isn't what terrible?" Spencer responded, and Emily looked at him with unbelieving eyes. She approached him, taking a seat from another desk before sitting beside him.

"Reid, really? You don't know that Morgan and Charlotte are getting divorced?" she questioned.

"What? How do you know that?" Spencer asked, and gave away what Emily suspected might be true. Spencer had no clue.

"He's been staying at a hotel for the past week, and he's filed for joint custody of Sean," she whispered, afraid to raise her voice any louder.

The two quickly dropped the subject, determining that it wasn't their place to discuss such things. Spencer sat at his desk, leg throbbing and mind wheeling as he couldn't believe what he had just heard. In all honesty, he didn't know what to think. When he had seen the two together, Charlotte and Derek always seemed rather content. The loud sound of his cup dropping to the floor stirred Spencer from his thoughts, nearly giving him a heart attack.

:::

A odd series of events occurred the following couple of days. Derek seemed to be a lot happier, almost like himself again. Spencer got to see an old side of Derek he thought had gone away, a flirty side to him that use to spark office rumors and break a lot of the younger agents hearts. The odd part about this all was Derek's blatant attempts at flirting specifically with _him_. At first, he thought he was imagining things, but then there came the incident that would send them on a completely different course.

Spencer was stuck filing the majority of paperwork, and while it wasn't hard and he was exceptionally quick, he needed at least a cup every hour or two to keep up his willpower. During a trip into the break room, he noticed the time was late, even for him. The team had arrived not a half an hour ago, and even they were packing their things and preparing to depart. With a tired sigh, he pressed the switch that started the process that would give him his much needed caffeine fix. Spencer was faintly aware of distant voices as he pulled a mug from within the cabinet.

"You should go home, get some sleep." Derek's voice made him jump a little, which caused him to laugh. Spencer looked over his shoulder briefly. "I lost my stuffed bear, and now I can't," Spencer said, trying his hand at humor.

While Spencer couldn't see him, he could feel Derek smiling at him. What he wasn't expecting was for the man to get close enough to where he could whisper in his ear. "What if I offered to be your teddy bear?" he proposed, and Spencer spit out his coffee, nearly burning his tongue off.

"Uh, no need," Spencer stammered.

Spencer turned around, coming face to face with Derek who only looked amused. That was a definite sign of flirting, right? Spencer couldn't say anything, could only blink as Derek reached around him for another mug. Spencer laughed a little nervously, and Derek raised a curious eyebrow at him. "You okay there, Reid?" he questioned, moving closer. Spencer didn't know what to do, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"How's Sean?" he inquired, the two words nearly blurring together as he spoke extremely fast. Derek's hand landed on his shoulder, the touch was barely there but it felt like it was burning through his shirt.

"His front tooth is growing in," Derek mentioned, pulling away slightly.

Spencer's heart raced still, but crisis diverted. "That sounds like it must be fun, huh?"

"Well, his mom's got him, so it could be for all I know."

"Oh. Okay, I'm going to go file these, um, notations and be on my way. Get some rest," Spencer spoke, once again blurring his words as he dived out of the break room, cursing himself for not grabbing his cup of coffee.

:::

"Emily, can I talk to you?" Spencer asked, and while he would have been more than happy to never speak about this out loud, he couldn't hold it in, and needed a third party perspective.

"Yeah, sure," she answered, sitting up right in her office chair.

Spencer moved closer to her, looking all around before settling them back on her. She tilted her head, curious, but said nothing. "What would you say if I told you someone was...flirting with me?" he asked, words low.

Emily's head tilted further, and Spencer had to resist the urge to tell her that it was bad for her neck. "Who...?" she whispered.

Spencer's hands bounced in his lap as he looked every where except at Emily's face. "Uh, someone who has recently separated from their spouse?"

"_Oh_."

"Too obvious? What do I do?"

"Oh."

"You've said that already!"

"This explains a lot, huh? I never imagined...it being you, but wow? What do you plan to do?"

"What do you mean, what do I plan to do? That's why I'm asking you!"

"I don't know what to tell you, Reid. What about you? What do you think? I mean, do you like him?" she questioned, and Spencer had hoped she wouldn't.

"I, uh, no...I mean, I don't know. Why is this happening? I get hit by a car, and suddenly Derek's lost all ability to reason responsibly, and..."

"I think you're overreacting."

"That's the thing, I've done all of the calculations in my head, and I don't think so."

"You need to talk to him."

"I can't..."

"You have to."

"I don't want to."

"You really have no choice here, do you?"

Spencer stared at her, and knew she was right.

"I will...eventually."

"The sooner the better, you don't want to put this thing off," she warned as Spencer stood, heading towards his desk until he saw Derek heading his way, and ducked into the bathroom.

He couldn't keep doing this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned.

**A/N**: Thank's for the amazing response. I appreciate all of the comments and advice, and I'm working to respond to all of the reviews :)

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Derek rested his head against the headboard of his hotel bed, eyes not focusing on anything in particular. What he was doing, he really didn't know, it seemed like everything had moved so fast. The last straw had broken for him, that much was clear when he had found that half empty bottle of red wine when he had arrived home. She had broken her promise, but he hadn't broken his, no not entirely, he had just broken the vows he had made. For better or for worse; what the hell did that even mean anymore?

The story there was simple, one bottle led to two and two led to Charlotte losing her job. That bit of information had come full circle around the FBI before getting back to Derek, and it was embarrassing. Their whole marriage was on display, and it seemed like everyone knew what was going on before he, himself, did. When confronted, she pushed him away, not wanting his help or anyone else, for that matter. The arguments were louder, the tantrums more violent, and the last breaking point was when Sean had hidden under his bed, too afraid to come out.

What Spencer had said about not needing him, not wanting his help after he had gotten married had hit a sore spot. What did he really know about the struggles Derek had suffered through, realizing that what he wanted most was so close and yet so beyond his reach? What did he know about struggling to take his son and flee or stay his course and prepare to fight? Whether he had wanted to, Derek would more than likely have to fight, but the recent calls from Charlotte had him thinking otherwise. She was getting desperate, and about what, Derek couldn't tell.

The ache in his chest almost surmounted the throbbing in his head. This was an awful feeling, he had concluded. He should have never imposed on Spencer like he had in the break room, that wasn't right, and it wasn't like himself, but for the first time in a long time, he had felt free to do what he had wanted, and he did so without thinking of the consequences. Spencer had almost entirely shut him out now, and that was only fair. Derek really hadn't done this for Spencer, but the idea of him breaking something they could have possibly had before it ever got a chance left a bad taste in his mouth.

Derek wondered frequently if what he was doing was the right thing, or if he was simply giving up.

_**:::**_

Spencer was on his last day of desk duty when he received an unexpected call. For some reason, his desk phone rang and Charlotte Goodman was on the other side of the line. She was looking for Derek, and Spencer had to explain to her that the team was in neighboring West Virginia on a case. She sounded awful, sick and tired, and explained that Sean was very sick and she had no means of getting him to the hospital. Spencer weighed his options, and decided to offer a helping hand, and oddly enough, Charlotte accepted.

While Spencer wasn't suppose to be driving, he rationalized that he didn't need his left leg in order to operate the break and gas pedal, and should be okay. While Spencer really didn't want to see Charlotte, he couldn't live with himself if Sean was seriously ill and he did nothing. Three times Spencer called Derek's cellphone with no luck, even the others weren't answering. He rationalized that they were probably in a area with limited to no reception, considering where they were heading to was one of the most rural, unincorporated cities in all of the south, this came as no shocker. Spencer pulled into the drive way of 101 W Memphis St, and threw the gear into park.

Charlotte wasted no time in opening the door, and handed him Sean who was sobbing loudly. Upon closer inspection, Spencer noticed Sean's glasses were off and his eyes looked almost sealed with some sort of discharge. Spencer concluded that it was more than likely conjunctivitis, and if that was the case, it was more dangerous for a child to contract it than adults. Spencer took the wet wash cloth Charlotte handed him, and when she offered to drive to the hospital so Spencer wouldn't have to put more strain on his injured leg, Spencer gladly accepted. Charlotte hopped into the drivers side as Spencer got into the back with Sean, placing him on his lap in the middle.

Statistically he knew this wasn't safe, but there was no booster seat to be had.

Charlotte explained that her vehicle had broke down off of the interstate, and Sean's safety seat was in it. Spencer only nodded his head, attention absorbed on Sean and his miserable cries for relief. She parked as close as she could to the childcare entrance to the emergency room, and together, they hurried Sean inside and out of the cold. If Spencer hadn't felt awkward beforehand, he most certainly did now that Sean was taken back and both he and Charlotte were by his side in a small room, waiting to be seen by a doctor. She looked worse than she had sounded over the phone, and he was afraid to speak to her.

"Thank you for this," she said, breaking their silence.

"Really, it's no problem. I would do anything for him," Spencer said, cheeks still rosy from the cold.

"I know that," she murmured, eyes tearing up slightly. "I think that's another reason why Derek finds you so amazing," she added.

Spencer froze, looking at her with a displaced look. "I never imagined any of this happening," he settled on. Charlotte laughed, squeezing Sean's hand before directing her attention back to the man next to her. "I know. I think I knew even before he did," she said, a sad little smile to her face.

She wasn't drunk. She had promised she wasn't under the influence, that she hadn't been for nearly four days now. "I need to get away for a little while, do you understand? I can't deal with this, and I need to go to Michigan for a wedding and a..._vacation_. I need to get my head on right, and I need to get sober for good. I need Derek to be here for Sean right now, but he won't answer my calls, or he can't, who knows, really? I need you to talk to him for me, please," she begged, and who was Spencer to turn her away? When he looked at her, images of his own mother flooded his mind.

Spencer nodded his head. "Yeah, I'll talk to him."

The doctor came in sooner or later, confirming Spencer's suspicion's and writing a prescription for antibiotic drops, and instructed both of them (as he had presumed them to be the parents) to clean the area with cotton wool soaked in cooled boiled water to wipe away any crust or stickiness that bothered Sean. Spencer lifted himself up, crutches forgotten at the office, though he insisted he didn't need them anyway. The ER doctor seemed more concerned with his well being than Sean's, and Spencer had to fight him off to leave him alone. Spencer dropped Charlotte and Sean off before making his way back to work, once there, he tried again to get a hold of anyone with no success. Frustrated, Spencer chewed on the calluses of his fingers, bidding his time.

He needed to get a hold of Derek and soon, Charlotte planned on leaving in less than forty-eight hours, placing him in a terrible position. A position that not only put him in the middle of two people going through a bitter divorce, but one that involved him as the concluding reason by the ex-wife of his teammate, colleague and good friend. Spencer decided that he never wanted to be anyone's love interest ever again if he could help it, and plans of sabotage briefly flooded his mind until he was reminded of the little boy he adored and who needed him at current. This was all such nonsense with no easy means of escape, even the better solutions made his stomach curl. Sean was his main priority, and Spencer decided to forget his parents for the moment.

Why Spencer cared so much, he had no clue. While everyone loved Sean, and adored him, they weren't tripping over themselves to help. Oh, who was he kidding? If they knew the situation, they all would, Spencer had just beaten them all to it. Also, it didn't help that Spencer spent the most time with Sean than all the others, and that almost included Derek, for some reason that pained him greatly to think about. Spencer liked to believe that Derek was a excellent father, striving to see Sean at every twist and turn, jumping over hoops to spend time with him, but their job was taxing.

Spencer shook his head, Derek would understand.

:::

Derek, however, didn't understand. For one reason or another, he couldn't see why Charlotte was bringing all of this on him, and through Spencer, too. Spencer stared at the other man, eyes large as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. The last thing on Derek's mind should be, as far as Spencer was concerned, Charlotte. Spencer felt the urge to yell at him rise in the back of his throat, and while he tried to contain such reactions from work, it couldn't be helped.

This was insane.

"You know what, Derek, you're really selfish," Spencer snapped, walking away from the stunned man and to Aaron's office. Knocking on the door, Aaron called for him to come in. Spencer walked straight up to his desk, mustered all the courage he had and announced, "I'll need the next week or two off of work."

"And this is pertaining to?" Aaron questioned, wondering if Spencer had some how agitated his still healing leg.

"Sean is very sick, and I'm already not suppose to be here, I lied on my doctors note, I'm sorry, but not really, and I love him, and I promised his mom I would take care of him while she was away, and Derek..."

Aaron raised his hand in the air, effectively ending his ranting. "You want to take time off to care for a child that's not yours?"

"I think he's mine," Spencer replied lamely, staring at Aaron with a childish expression he often wore when first starting out and unsure of taking charge of a situation.

Aaron reclined in his seat, scribbling something down onto his yellow notepad. Surely, he was aware that things weren't exactly normal around here as of late, and Spencer hoped he would have some compassion for him. Spencer was truly trying his hardest here, but change did not come easy to him, and this was a lot of change in such a short span of time. Aaron's eyes met his, and he made a face that was somewhere between a smile and a grimace. Spencer didn't know what to think about it, he had never seen such an expression before.

"I'll see you back here in a week and a half ready to go," Aaron spoke, sending him on his way.

Spencer smiled gratefully at him, muttering a quick thank you before heading back to his desk to pack up his things and call Charlotte. While the situation wasn't ideal, Spencer agreed to swoop by, help Charlotte pack Sean's things and get the child back to his apartment. It wasn't until Spencer was inside his apartment, bags all around him on the floor and Sean in his arms that he remembered he had no idea how to take care of a child. "We'll figure this out, right?" he questioned, staring at Sean with a hopeful expression. Sean merely looked at him through thick lenses, Spencer silently reminded himself to offer him contacts when he came of age.

This went on for the next three days."Okay. Well, are you hungry? Sleepy? Any variation of the two?" he inquired, hopeful. Sean merely laughed at him, and Spencer decided that maybe Sean would like to sit and watch Star Trek with him for a while before it was time for his bath and eventual bedtime.

With Wolfgang safely out of reach, Spencer grabbed the throw from the top portion of his couch, draping it over Sean and himself. His eyes appeared much better than they had five days ago, and they were healing well enough on their own not to warrant anymore drops. In fact, the pink eye seemed pretty much well healed. Spencer was glad, he hated watching him suffer. Derek had come over two days ago before the team got called away to Phoenix. While he couldn't physically be here, he called every night at seven, never a minute early or late.

Spencer was worried, however, when all attempts to reach Charlotte were met with no success. Spencer clued Derek into this fact, ignoring Derek's natural response at downplaying her not contacting either of them to still being upset. Spencer made it very clear that something was wrong, what exactly, he didn't know, but Derek needed to try harder to get in contact with her. When Spencer was tucking Sean into his bed, making sure he had his Captain America action figure, he whispered to Derek that the boy missed her. "And she probably doesn't want talk to the man she sees as taking her husband away," he said before hanging up the phone.

Spencer laid in bed wide awake, watching Sean as he slept. What an odd feeling he had when he thought about the him. Spencer loved him, treated him like he was his own. Spencer didn't mind Charlotte, spending an entire afternoon with her in the ER proved that she was actually good company when she wasn't under the influence or distressed, but Charlotte was gone, Sean was here, and all of this due to a man Spencer hadn't seen in person for almost four days. In all honesty, he didn't even know what was going on.

There was some question was to what he was feeling in side. If he were to be honest, he was glad that Derek had interest in him, it eased the ache he had felt for all those years of being alone and not having him, but he never wanted things to go like this. Spencer never thought Derek would wake up one day, make such a brash decision, and carry on like he had, but Charlotte wasn't all together. What she said in the ER could have been a jab at his feelings for Derek, or what she saw as a threat. The fact of the matter was, was that Spencer was confused, and the confusion led to an endless array of thoughts, some pleasant and some not.

The way Derek had reacted to him could have been just a attempt to takeover a aspect of his life that had been closed off. Whether he truly liked Spencer remained unknown, and that discussion seemed far from being reached at this point. Though, it had to happen sooner or later, and Spencer didn't know which he preferred; neither if he could help it. All he knew was that his life had been flipped upside down, and he was merely trying to keep his head above water. The situations he found himself in were clustering together, and he didn't know what to do.

All he knew was that he felt overwhelmed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned.

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Five**_

The day Spencer handed Derek the letter addressed to him was the day a lot of things fell into perspective for him. Charlotte's swooping letters and formal structure told him that she was not coming back, at least, not for a very long time. She wrote to him that he could have full custody over Sean, though he should never think that he was the best thing for their son. She went on to explain Derek's working habits to him, and how those habits weren't reasonable when raising a child alone. She explained that the fourth page of this letter was a separate piece for Sean, and if he could please read it to him with the sort of sensitivity she had written it with.

Derek sat on Spencer's sofa for a long time, just staring at the pieces of paper on the coffee table. She was serious, Charlotte was never the type to dramatize...not entirely. The truth was hard to face, especially when paraded around in your face by two different people at the same time, but it was there and he just needed to accept it now. When he spoke about moving into a new place and taking Sean with him, it was easy to pretend that what he was doing was the right thing, but that was all it was—talk. Hell, Spencer had been a better father to Sean than he had and it wasn't even his child to take care of.

This mess he had found himself in; created, was starting to encompass him.

"What do you plan to do?" Spencer questioned, sitting down beside him.

Sean was sound asleep in Spencer's room. The three of them had gone to the park earlier, and the hyperactive four year old had worn himself out chasing the ducks that inhabited the pond. Derek was really grateful to Spencer, he didn't have to do all that he was, but he did, and Derek appreciated it. "The first thing I plan on doing is calling my mom for help," said Derek, laughing in a sad, helpless sort of way. "The second thing I plan to do is move all my stuff back into the house and get Sean settled."

"Sounds like a solid plan," Spencer mused.

The two men still hadn't really talked about what had happened. Derek was determined not to jump start the conversation, especially since he wasn't ready to have it yet. Spencer, more than likely sensing this, kept the conversation light and mostly about Sean. There would be time for them to sit down and discuss what all of this meant, but it wasn't now. For right now, both were content pretending that nothing except the obvious was wrong.

The two of them worked together to get all of Sean's things ready to go. Penelope and JJ lent a helping hand in getting Derek moved back into the house that he and Charlotte had shared. Whether she was really gone or taking a break, Derek wasn't sure, but he wasn't taking any chances, he would call his attorney first thing in the morning. When the hard work was all done and over, the five of them treated their selves to Chinese food. Derek liked this feeling a lot, he realized. He liked seeing Spencer at the dinner table helping Sean cut his food into smaller, easier pieces, he liked seeing Sean happy, and most of all, he liked that their friends were around, laughing and making jokes, but genuinely having a good time.

There were never a lot of people around when it was Charlotte and him, they could never agree on the when and the who, and Charlotte had never been too fond of his team, no matter how much she knew they meant to him.

Derek enjoyed how domesticated Spencer could be. He had never seen him like this, not for extended periods of time, nor really this involved before. Sean really liked Spencer, and that made Derek far more happy than it had any right to. Derek felt selfish that this was all working out so well, considering he was the one who had messed up. Without really thinking, just acting, he had left his wife and son, and had changed Sean's life forever, and simply expected Spencer to go along with all of this even though he hadn't actually mentioned the fact that he had feelings for him that were more than friendly. Really, it was unfair to everyone involved, and Derek was just beginning to acknowledge that.

When the two women had left and everyone had settled, Derek called his mom. The one person he knew would not go easy on him, tough love was how he liked to put it. She agreed to fly out the next morning, and would be there no later than mid afternoon. She was angry at him for not telling her sooner, but Derek explained that the situation was not ideal and hard to talk about over the phone and would be much easier in person. Their phone call ended, and Derek realized it was well past Sean's bed time, and he was very much still awake playing hide-and-go-seek with Spencer.

Derek decided it wouldn't be fair to interrupt them and let them continue, taking the time to shower and change. When he was finished, he could hear Spencer reading to Sean in his bedroom and he walked slowly to the door, peering in on them without being noticed, he remembered having a dream similar to this. Sean's glasses were off and his lids were heavy, but his head was turned towards Spencer, indicating that he was still listening. Derek didn't say anything, couldn't possibly say anything to ruin such a perfect moment. When Sean was asleep, and Spencer had closed the book, Derek walked over and placed a small kiss to his sons forehead.

Derek and Spencer sat on the sofa in his living room, the television was off but neither of them spoke, until Derek couldn't take it anymore. "I spoke to my mom, and she's flying in tomorrow," he said, and Spencer seemed a little surprised at the news.

"What time?"

"Four."

"I can pick her up," he offered, and why did he always have to go out of his way to help people? Derek could never understand how exactly he did it.

"I can get off early. You'll be with Sean, and why stress you out more?"

"It's not a big deal, really."

"It is to me, Spence. Look, this situation got out of hand really fast, and all because of me. I mean, look at you, you've been taking care of my son, you took him to the ER with Charlotte. You spoke to her for nearly seven hours on the phone, this shouldn't be your problem Spencer. I should be doing these things."

"And you are, Derek. You needed a little time, and I wouldn't have done all of this if I didn't care about you or Sean, and I liked talking to Charlotte, believe it or not."

"She's a good woman," Derek admitted.

"Yes, she is, and she's having a hard time dealing with all of this."

"Me, too," Derek spoke, the first sign of guilt lacing his voice. "If I had just been honest with myself, and with her, I could have avoided all of this. I could have avoided hurting her, and avoided hurting you. I...maybe she wouldn't have resorted to drinking if she wasn't so miserable...if I didn't make her so miserable."

Spencer swallowed a little harsher then he had intended it to. It was the first time Derek had apologized and come close to announcing that he had interest in him, and that that was somehow related to his decision to leave his wife, all in the same sentence nonetheless. "If you had done that, you wouldn't have Sean, and I don't think any of us would want that," he said honestly.

Derek smiled at him, and felt a little better about himself and this whole, confusing ordeal. Spencer decided that he would stay the night downstairs in the guest room. Derek didn't argue, but it took him a long time to go to sleep, replaying their brief conversation in his head. The next morning, he went to work and promised Spencer that he would be the one to pick his mother up from the airport.

:::

"You seem tense, Baby," Derek's mother commented as he placed her luggage into the back of his car. Of course he seemed tense, his mother's opinions meant a lot to Derek even if they didn't define what path he took. She had always appeared rather fond of Spencer, but once he had settled down, gotten married and had a baby, she wasn't too please with how things were going. Divorce was not a word she liked.

"No, Mama, I'm just tired. It's been a long day at work, and I just want to go home," he said, hoping to brush her concern off. He didn't, but she dropped the matter.

"Have you spoken to Charlotte recently?" she pondered as Derek turned onto the interstate, reminding him that her car had been towed two days ago.

"No, I haven't," he replied, staring at the road ahead of him, thankful that the airport wasn't too far away from where he lived.

"You know, you two could still work this out," she said, and it nearly killed him inside.

"No, we can't," he answered.

"And why not?" she pressed.

"Because I don't love her mom," and it was the first time he had said that out loud to anyone, even to himself.

"Well, you don't just fall out of love, Derek!"

"I didn't, Ma! I never, never loved her like I wanted to...like everyone expected me to," he proclaimed, words low and defensive. He could see her looking at him with a curious and worried expression. The way he remembered his wedding day was not how anyone should ever have to remember a occasion that should be mesmerizing, not suffocating.

"Then why did you marry her?"

You would think that was a simple question, really, but it wasn't. She asked at least five questions in that one. "Because she was pregnant...and because I thought it was the right thing to do," Derek answered, deciding that lying would get him no where at this point.

Derek's mother remained silent for a long time. For the most part, he thought the conversation had been put to rest. That was just wishful thinking on his part, he concluded. "That man you work with, Dr. Reid, he's always been so kind...and he's very smart," she said, and that answer might as well have been five in one, too.

"Spencer _is _a genius, mom," Derek joked, but the heat that ignited his face made him want to panic.

"Where is he now?" she questioned.

"With Sean," Derek said, and she hummed to herself.

Derek could feel his heart begin to race. Obviously, Charlotte wasn't the only one with suspicions, but if his mother had known before they had, why then did she allow them to get married? That didn't matter now, this was the present and that was well in the past. Derek had to remind himself that, no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to change that aspect of his life, and it wasn't for selfish reasons in wanting to do so. He merely felt as though so much pain and anguish, hurt and confusion could have been avoided if someone had stood up and said, "Don't allow these two idiots to get married. She's _hormonal_, and he's in love with the _man_ standing next to him!" It would have been horrible sure, but no less truthful.

"I always liked his hair...I hope he's eating more nowadays," she mused, smiling at Derek. This was her way of trying to make the situation better, while at the same time, telling him she had no control over his life and if Spencer was what he wanted then fine, she would accept that. She would accept Spencer, and maybe a little bit easier than she was letting on.

"Well, he remembers to eat more now. Actually, since he got injured, and has been stuck indoors with nothing to do but watch cartoons with Sean and eat Chef Boyardee, he's put on a few," Derek humored, causing his mother to laugh.

"Good, good. I'll feed him more when we get there," she added, resting into her seat. Derek grinned, it was really unexpected of her, but it was more than nice. If only he could work up the courage to tell Spencer what everyone already seemed to know.

The fear still lingered, though. Charlotte never mentioned coming back, but she never mentioned staying away, either. If Derek knew anything about her, he knew the woman was a fighter, and that right now, she was regaining her strength. What she would do when she was better, and her head clear, Derek didn't know, and the not knowing was beginning to weigh heavily on him. Whatever it may be, Derek knew he had to be ready for any possible outcome.

**A/N:** I don't know why I make Mama Morgan want to feed Reid so much, I really don't! Ha-ha.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Six**_

Three days went by in pretty much a blur, and Spencer had finally returned to work. While getting back into a routine was a little off putting, things seemed to be working out for the better. The team was in Georgia, a series of brutal assaults on teenage girls had caused a mass panic and the locals were in a state of frenzy. The day the case came to a close, and they were able to pack up and go home, was much appreciated by everyone involved. These sort of cases were not easy on anyone, even when the person responsible was caught and put away forever.

Derek's mother was still staying with him, determined to see things well before she would leave. Derek thought it was her merely wanting to hog Sean all to herself. Which was fine, it left time for Derek to work up enough nerve to do what he had wanted to for so long—ask Spencer out. The right opportunity came when Spencer had agreed to come with him to the grocery store, a list his mother had jotted down for them to get. The locally owned business was less than two blocks away, and the two decided the distance was easier to walk than to drive.

The area was rather suburban, with soccer moms and families with matching sweaters. The scenery was gorgeous though, and the shops were limitless, and it was overall much safer to live here than anywhere else in Virginia. Derek had taken all of these things into consideration, and while he didn't exactly like soccer moms and families with matching sweaters, he did like safety. The day was wearing on, the sun a luminous orange as it made its last stand. If there was a proper time, a better time, it was now or never.

"Spence," Derek called, stopping in the middle of the walk way.

Spencer turned around, head cocked to the side. "Yeah?"

"Would you like to go out with me sometime?" he questioned, and his nerves pulled and pricked at the center of his body and tingled at each limb.

Spencer's eyes seemed to grow wider than their usual size, and that worried him. "Derek, you're still technically married," he said, and the wave in his voice let Derek know he was uncomfortable.

"I, the papers were mailed to her. I can't help it if she won't sign," and what possessed him to say this, he would never know, but he felt under pressure.

"That doesn't make it any better. Look, I won't say that I don't want to, Derek. I really would like to go on a date with you. I've always pretty much wanted to, but you're going through a divorce, your ex-wife is doing who knows what in Michigan, and you are now a full time dad," he said, pitch high and bottom lip tugged between his teeth.

"Fair enough," Derek said, and that was the end of that discussion, at least, for the time being.

:::

Derek's mother was a wonderful woman, everything that Spencer imagined a normal mother could be. She wasn't all that normal, though. Sure, she knew how to cook and clean, but she was more than a housewife. She liked politics, portraits, movies from the 1950's, and cars—the faster the better. She was funny, and her laugh was infectious, and Spencer liked her a lot.

She was a strong woman, but Spencer imagined she would have to be to be able to raise three kids by herself. She did it, though, and took pride in all three of them. The most amazing aspect of Derek's mother, Spencer determined, was the love she had embedded in every ounce of her being. She was a generally happy person with a positive outlook on both life and people, and that was truly remarkable from someone who had seen so much ugly. A lot of the strength she had Derek possessed, and their resemblance heightened in his eyes.

"Does plain old spaghetti sound good to you, Spencer?" she questioned, working her way around the kitchen as if it were her own.

"Anything you make sounds perfect," and that was the truth, he could never turn down her cooking.

"Good!"

Spencer was quickly booted from the kitchen after handing her the tomatoes for the sauce, and he situated himself in the play room where Derek and Sean tumbled about. Sean spotted Spencer first, tugging on his pants and showing him his toes; they were painted green. "My mom thought it'd be fun," Derek explained.

"Kiwi, Garcia would be proud," Spencer said, lifting Sean into the air pretending to be a airplane trying to make a crash landing. While his leg was still sore, and he was still tender to the touch, he ignored the discomfort. The three continued to play, and Sean switched from a pilot to a professional wrestler, jumping on both men as Clooney wagged his tail and barked occasionally. The dog was overly protective.

Spencer was spread out on the floor, defeated and trying to catch his breath. Derek's mom walked in, informing them that dinner would be ready in ten and that they should wash up. Sean hurried along with his grandmother, rambling away the events that had just occurred. Derek offered Spencer a hand, smiling as the other man grumbled a few profanities under his breath. Spencer's hand was still in his, neither one of them moved, eyes locked onto each other.

Spencer leaned in first, pressing his lips softly to Derek's before pulling away. "Would you like to go to the park with me this Friday night?" he questioned, staring intently into Derek's dark eyes.

"I thought it was too soon?" Derek countered, though he couldn't keep the glimmer of hope from encircling his face.

"I just remembered the first day of fall is this Friday, don't want to spoil the occasion," he said, face heating up as Derek wrapped a arm around his waist.

"Wouldn't want you to miss out, what time did you have in mind?"

"Five sound good to you?"

"Perfect."

Their moment was ruined less than seven seconds later when Derek's mom yelled at them to hurry up or they wouldn't eat. The threat of having to go to bed without dinner was enough to break the spell and send Spencer out the door and to the kitchen sink where he washed his hands thoroughly. Well, that was generally unplanned for on his part, but it seemed like the right time, and timing was what was important right? Maybe Derek's timing had been off, but Spencer deduced that he was a genius, and had impeccably better timing than the other man did. Whatever the reason, it worked out this time and that was what really mattered.

Wolfgang greeted him warmly as he entered his apartment for the first time in what he felt was a very long time. Mrs. Gordon, his neighbor, was kind enough to feed the already overweight tabby while he was gone. In return, Spencer brought her back some toffee and all was right and well. Well, mostly everything was right and well. There was a lot on Spencer's mind still, and he hoped to have all of that sorted through this upcoming Friday on his date with Derek. There were still unanswered questions, and neither one was exactly sure where they stood as far as romance went, not to mention the fact that Derek's mom couldn't stay with them forever to help out.

Really, the only thing Spencer wanted was to feel as though what he was doing was right, and he truly hoped it was.

:::

The day arrived, and Spencer had no problem accepting the fact that he was incredibly nervous. While dating had gone a lot easier for him over the last few years, this was a date he was actually looking forward to. Spencer was so nervous, in fact, he change four times before settling on a single outfit. A simple pair of black slacks, a black button up shirt, and a purple vest with mismatching purple and black socks. He hoped he didn't look too professional, but it was obvious that outside of his pajamas (which were fancy if a bit rumpled enough on their own), the way he dressed to work was usually his casual attire as well.

Spencer pulled himself together, and with one final cuddle with Wolfgang and go over with a lint roller later, he was out the door and on his way to the park. Why he had chosen the park, he had no idea. The sun was high, but the weather was remarkably cool for this time of year, even if it was fall. Spencer was over thinking things, analyzing them to the point of insanity, but all of that stopped when his eyes spotted Derek perched up on a swing, kicking his legs back and forth. Of course he would look amazing in a simple white tee shirt with a black leather jacket over top and dark jeans, and of course Spencer would look down at his geek apparel and panic a little.

"You just going to stand there or are we gonna walk around and go on this first-day-of-fall-date?" he questioned, and Spencer actually laughed in a completely involuntary manner.

"Yeah, of course? I was waiting for you to notice me," Spencer responded, pinning everything on Derek's shoulders as the man stood to his feet.

"I saw you before you saw me, thank you very much. Hard to miss a tall, skinny man in a purple vest around here," Derek joked, motioning for Spencer to follow him on the cement path that had been outlined more than seventy years ago.

"You make me sound like an Unsub!" Spencer exclaimed, causing them both to laugh.

Their date, as it seemed to be, was turning out quite nice. Their talking zoned out almost everything that was going on around them except for the occasional bird or bumblebee. Derek's hand brushed against his in an almost accidental manner to which Spencer laced their hands together, enjoying the warmth it created (and the fact that his hand wasn't clammy with nerves). Their shoulders aligned together, and it puzzled Spencer just how unalike he was from Charlotte in almost every way. She was short, thick, dark hair and skin and beautiful, non chapped lips to boot.

Honestly, the woman was perfect, but somehow wasn't what Derek wanted.

No. Derek wanted a tall, lanky, pale and awkward man that cold hardly hold a conversation that didn't include long periods of rambling in between. Was that all there was to it, though? Was it simply Derek wanting to be with Spencer, or never being able to not want him that led to his divorce or was there more? And after four years of marriage, did Derek really want to be tied down again so soon after wards? These were, at least to him, all reasonable questions that deserved a reasonable answer, and right now seemed the best time to ask.

"I have to ask you something, Derek," he said, never stopping or slowing down.

Derek turned his head towards him. "Shoot."

"Am I the reason you left Charlotte? Or was there something different? Or a lot of reasons?" Spencer tried to quell the number of inquiries he was making, but his mind was a bit cluttered and they were all fleeing his mouth quicker than he could think about them.

Derek didn't seemed bothered. In fact, he actually seemed a little relieved that someone had asked him. "Yes and no. Yes, because I've always known I've felt that way about you. Yes, because I was tired of seeing you everyday and knowing that I couldn't have you, or even want you, but I did. Yes, because...well, because you're you, and I knew there would be no one else like you. No, because I knew Charlotte wasn't happy. No, because I knew having Sean grow up in a household were his parents resented each other and his dad had a closest full of secrets was not a good way to grow up. And no...because I woke up one morning and decided I needed to do what was right by me," he finished, meeting Spencer's gaze and wondering what the other was thinking.

"Well, you have me now," was all Spencer replied, and it was everything Derek needed. A short, simple response that meant everything to him. "I mean, if you're ready for that now," he added, causing Derek to look at him with a funny glare.

"I've been waiting a very long time to have this," he confirmed, honesty written all over his face.

"What do we do now?" Spencer pondered as they reached the end of their destination, overlooking a wide, stretched out lake that could almost be comparable to a oval if it wasn't so lopsided to the right.

"I figured I'd ask you on another date, and see where we went from there."

"Sounds good, what did you have in mind?"

If only perfect moments like these ever stayed that way. Unfortunately, that's just not how life seems to work.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned

**Authors Note:** Good God, did this come out way more angst-ish then I meant to! Also, I have no idea how the law proceeds in Virginia in these sorts of matters, and I won't pretend I do. So, everything that appears to be legal mumbojumbo, it is not.

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Seven**_

"Are you ready for your cake now?" Mama Morgan questioned, revealing a large Captain America themed cake as she entered into the dinning room from the kitchen.

Sean stared up at her excitedly, legs kicking wildly underneath the table. "Yes!" he exclaimed, unable to keep his happiness from his voice.

Six candles lined that cake, and ten children plus their parents gathered around the table. Spencer stood ready with a video camera, recording every little detail of this day. This was the second birthday he had been around for that included him as a parental party, and it was just as endearing as the year previous. The doorbell rang and Derek excused himself, telling Sean to wait until he got back to blow out his candles.

JJ and Will looked apprehensively at Spencer. Penelope and Kevin shared worried glances between each other. Aaron ruffled Sean's hair, and told Jack to get something to drink from within the kitchen. Emily and Dave kept their distance, but looked prepared should anything happen. Spencer could vaguely hear raised voices and when Derek had appeared around the corner, he wasn't alone.

Charlotte was with him.

Spencer decided to turn off the video camera as Sean's face fell in confusion. True, only two years had past, but they were very important years, Spencer concluded. In all honesty, no one knew how he would react to seeing his mother again after so long. "You have some nerve," Derek's mother pressed, trying to control the tone of her voice to keep herself from sounding upset. Charlotte didn't say anything back, merely asked to speak with her son and Derek in private.

The waiting was unbearable for everyone involved, and Spencer felt horrible that this was happening right now. Sean had been gone for so long that his grandmother had to blow out his candles before they melted all the way, and most of his friends had been advised to go home. The parents gave Spencer sympathetic looks, but he told them not to worry. When Derek and Charlotte finally did return, Sean didn't seem too upset, just really confused, and could anyone blame him? No. Charlotte had not kept in contact those last two years, and to just show up out of the blue was something none of them could understand.

Derek was furious, and the panic in his eyes revealed that everything he had feared these last two years had come true. When Charlotte had left, Derek had slammed the door shut behind her. Sean clung close to Spencer who sat him on his lap in the dinning room, his confusion had led to tears. Spencer stroked Sean's hair gently, attempting to console him. When Derek was calm enough, he returned to the dinning room, his mother noticing him first covered her mouth with her hand.

"She's suing me for custody," he said, voice hoarse. "After all of this, she comes back and wants custody!"

Derek's mother stood up, taking Sean into her arms with talk about getting some cake and playing in his room. Derek sat down beside Spencer, head in his hands. The world around them had begun to crumble, everything they had built together only seemed temporary now. Charlotte had stormed in, and now, everything was up in the air. Spencer trailed a hand down Derek's arm in an attempt to comfort him, not knowing what to say.

"We knew this was a possibility, Derek. We just need to get a lawyer, and prepare to meet her head on," Spencer spoke, and it didn't take a genius to see that Derek was physically pulling away from him.

"You're right. You're right," Derek said, but his voice was low and uncertain.

:::

The next few days proved rather painful for both men as Derek began to distance himself from Spencer. While he hadn't noticed it at the time, he had begun to push him further and further away. When Spencer went to sleep, he went to sleep alone. When Spencer decided to go to the store, he went alone or with Sean. When Spencer made dinner, or put in a movie to watch, Derek was not there to to eat or watch it with him.

Their troubles didn't stay home, either, it didn't take long for Penelope to pull Spencer aside. She locked the door to her bunker and immediately went in for a hug, causing Spencer to wrap his arms around her tightly, tears brimming his eyes. He hadn't wanted to say anything, and with Penelope, he didn't have to. The hurt he was experiencing was radiating through his body in waves, and he just held on tighter to the woman he had grown to love and trust over the years. The sob he let out was unexpected, but Penelope didn't say anything, merely rubbed his back in soothing circles.

"I don't know what to do," he said, pulling away and trying to collect himself.

"I don't either, kiddo, but you've got to start thinking about yourself here," she spoke, concern laced in every syllable.

"I can't...I love him," was Spencer's pitiful plea, and it was just heartbreaking. "I love Sean."

"I know. I know, this isn't fair."

Derek was beginning to place himself into emotional isolation. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, he felt as though his relationship with Spencer would be his downfall in winning custody over Sean. There was no doubt about it; no matter how many open minded people there were in this world, there were still closed minded individuals who were in charge. The relationship between them had grown considerably strong within the last two years, and Spencer doted on Sean like any father would, and it was killing him. This fear, this threat he felt from the other man when it came down to public opinion.

Spencer had no legal parentage over Sean, and he had never sought to take any steps in being recognized as anything other than Sean's emergency contact. Spencer had never felt it was necessary, and that it wasn't his place, and maybe, it wasn't. Derek was sitting in the living room, the time was late, and Spencer was upstairs making sure Sean cleaned up his toys and shut off his game system. Derek could faintly hear footsteps treading down the stairs, and when Spencer appeared in his line of sight he didn't stop to acknowledge him, opting to head into the kitchen instead. Spencer had asked if Derek wanted some ice cream, and whatever he had responded, had obviously been unkind.

Spencer stood in front of him, the dim light of the lamp causing a deep shadow to display across the right side of his face. "I love you and Sean with everything I have, do you realize that?" he questioned, eyes peering down at Derek with a weight that made his chest compress.

"I know you do, Spence. What is this about?"

"I know you're afraid of losing custody of Sean..."

"Spencer..."

"And I know you think that I'll be the reason that you lose," Spencer spoke, voice steady considering the visible hurt. "I, uh, I don't think...I wouldn't want..."

"Spence, what?"

"I don't think we should be together anymore," Spencer said at last, and the tension that spilled over Derek's shoulders was cause for concern, but he couldn't do this anymore. "I've got a bag packed, and Penelope is more than happy to have me until I can get my own place, and she likes Wolfgang...this is for the best," Spencer spoke, tears in his eyes.

"You just plan to walk out of our lives," Derek said, and that angered Spencer.

"Don't even, Derek. Don't pretend you haven't been trying to push me away. I don't want to go, not really, but I can't stay here with the knowledge that if this goes wrong, you'll never stop blaming me," Spencer spoke, and the tears he had been holding in, refused to let go, were trailing down his face now.

Derek stood to his feet, moving towards Spencer who stepped back, hands held in the air as a way to protect himself. Derek scrubbed his face with his hands, his own frustration and sadness overwhelming him. Spencer turned, moving back upstairs to gather his things and to say goodbye, and Derek did nothing to stop him. While it hurt, and while Derek didn't want Spencer to leave, everything he had said had been true. The next four hours were spent in complete darkness, eyes shielded as he let everything around him fall apart.

:::

"Why are you leaving?" Sean questioned as Spencer sat beside him on his bed, head in his hands as he attempted not to cry in front of the boy who had just celebrated his sixth birthday. The child he had helped raised, and loved, and most of all, didn't want to let go.

"I have to do some things, and need to go away for a little while to do them, but I'll be around," Spencer spoke, trying to make sense and at the same time, trying to deceive Sean into believing everything was alright, even when it wasn't.

"But you'll be back soon?" Sean questioned, and Spencer hung his head again, not wanting to make eye contact.

Spencer took a deep breath, holding Sean's hand in his own."I hope so."

"Dad, I don't want you to go," Sean pleaded, and Spencer lost all of his resolve, cradling Sean into his arms as they both began to weep. While Sean wasn't certain as to what was going on, he knew it wasn't good, and he knew it was making him sad.

"I don't want to go, either," Spencer cried.

Spencer sat with Sean until he fell asleep, cheeks stained and flushed red. This, Spencer knew, was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. When he stood up, unhooking Sean's arms from him, he wondered if this was how his father had felt when he left him as a child. Spencer shook his head, he wasn't Sean's father, not really. He wasn't his father in anyone's mind except for a few. Spencer watched him sleep for a little while, making sure no bad dreams interrupted him before grabbing his things and moving them down stairs.

When he knocked on Penelope's door, it was five o'clock in the morning. The weekend had called for rain, and it had delivered on its promise. Penelope hurried him in, directing Kevin to help with his bags as she made him some hot cocoa. Spencer sat on her sofa, soak and wet, and with a headache that no amount of aspirin could solve. She held him close like a mother would a child, and told him to get some rest and that they could talk things over in the morning.

Spencer fell asleep from pure exhaustion and nothing else, he slept well past noon.

"Hey, Kiddo, you feel up to going to the store with me? I know you must be hungry, and I need to pick up a few things," she asked, and Spencer shook his head yes.

Spencer brushed his teeth and washed his face, but didn't bother with his hair. The two walked quickly to Penelope's car, the rain still pouring down on top of their heads. The drive there was silent, mere glances being shared between them. Penelope offered to drop Spencer up front so he wouldn't have to get wet, and ignored his protest otherwise. When Spencer got out of the car, he had been in the midst of opening the door for a bystander when a familiar figure appeared in front of him.

Charlotte looked surprised to see him, and Spencer just stared at her. When the woman made to walk pass him, he stood in front of her, eyes narrowing down at her. "Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to them,to me?" he questioned, a distraught look to his face.

Charlotte said nothing, merely walked away without a word. Penelope had rushed to his side, grabbing a hold of his arm as she hurried him inside, talks of coming down with the flu. Spencer didn't want to go inside, he wanted to track Charlotte down; he wanted an answer. Why was she doing this, why was she trying to hurt them so bad? Why was she trying to take Sean and Derek away from him?

"Come on, Spence, let's go."

Why had she taken his entire life away from him?

All of his happiness, and his son.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Eight**_

The team had broke down, it would seem. While Derek didn't want to admit it, acknowledge it for what it was, it had a lot to do with his split from Spencer. The days were long, and the nights were lonely, and in between Derek had to postpone his answer when Sean asked when Spencer was coming back. The pain, it was unbearable. The pain, it felt like someone had ripped his heart out and had thrown it away, and it was his fault.

The tension grew as he sat in his lawyers office, a meeting between him and Charlotte to see if they could work things out. Charlotte's lawyer, Monica Higgins, was a vicious woman who attacked from every possible direction she could. The topic for today: Derek's personal life. Derek had to sit as Monica paraded Derek's relationship with Spencer in his face, declaring no sensible judge would deem that a proper home for a child. Derek stared directly at Charlotte, lifting his hand and pointed his index finger at the tall women with auburn hair and blue eyes who carried on so brashly. "You're really going to try this, Charlotte?"

"Derek," his lawyer warned.

"No. No, no, no," Derek gritted out, slapping his hands onto the table he sat in front of. "Spencer raised him these two years you were gone. Spencer took him to school on his first day, and picked him up everyday since. Spencer fed him, and bathed him, and read him stories before bed, not you! You want to bring my personal life into this, huh? The fact that I like men, right? Well, then, let's bring up your drinking problem. Let's bring up the fact that Sean can still remember you breaking things in front of him, my things, his things, scaring him! Let's bring that up, right?"

"Derek," his lawyer said more firmly, and Derek resigned himself, anger boiling through his veins.

"What do you think family court is going to care more about?" Monica pressed, tilting her head to the side. "Let's face it, she stopped drinking. You will never stop liking the same sex, Mr. Morgan."

"I don't care what they think, but I would like to think that they would want you to shut up as much as I do," Derek bit, standing to his feet. "No deal. I wanted joint custody, but screw this. I'm done."

"Derek."

"I'm _done_."

:::

"I blew up," Derek explained as Aaron stared sympathetically at him.

"You felt attacked."

"There going to take him away from me. There going to take one look at me, see Spencer up there, and decide that I'm not fit because I was with him, because I love him, Hotch," Derek said, defeated.

"You don't know that, Morgan. Charlotte has a history, a well documented history of violent outburst and public intoxication. That will work in your favor," Aaron tried to comfort.

Derek tried to slow his breathing down, he was on the verge of breaking down. Aaron placed a hand on his shoulder as they sat in his office, away from everyone. It was so hard to look any of them in the eye, and it was hard to work with Spencer without thinking back to everything that happened, everything that was happening. "They're calling Penelope, JJ, and Spence to testify tomorrow," he confirmed. Aaron looked at him with a grim face.

"There trying to discredit you as a parent, that's their job. As long as they all keep their cool, you have nothing to worry about."

"There putting Sean up there, too."

"They'll ask him who he wants to live with," Aaron said.

"I honestly don't know who that is, right now," Derek admitted.

Spencer had remained civil, but quiet overall. It pained Derek that they didn't speak to each other anymore, it use to be the only thing they ever did. On the jet, in the car, in bed late at night, all they would do was talk about various things. The two of them would joke often, and tease each other, and how many times had he wanted to wrap his arms around him, give him a kiss and call him, "Pretty boy."? Derek missed everything they use to do together, but more than that, he just missed Spencer, and he felt disheartened when he thought about how he had treated him, pushed him away.

Derek hated going home, and he hated when he opened the door it was Sean's babysitter that greeted him. Derek hated the disappointed look Sean would give him when he would tell him that Spencer wasn't coming home that night. Derek hated going to bed alone, hated that when he turned on his side there were no arms to wrap around him. The pillow that use to rest beside his was gone, and his eyes would well up knowing that Spencer was sleeping alone, too. Derek missed his smile, and hated how sad he looked now.

Charlotte was attempting to rip everything away from him, but Derek had already succeeded in taking everything away from Spencer, and it killed him inside.

:::

Derek sat at his table, and Charlotte sat at hers. While Emily, Dave and Aaron were not to be called, they had all come in support of him. The first to testify was JJ, and she dressed in a simple blouse and pencil skirt. She smiled a sad little smile in Derek's wake, and it was clear she didn't want to be here, doing this. Derek didn't want to put her through this, either.

"Please state your name."

"Jennifer Jareau," she stated, making eye contact with Charlotte's lawyer.

"How do you know Derek Morgan?" she questioned.

"I work with him," JJ answered.

"Would you consider him a friend?" Monica pressed.

"Yes, I would."

"And would you consider Spencer Reid a friend, as well?"

"Yes."

"And would you know of the relationship that consists between the two of them?"

"As far as I'm aware of, there is no relationship other than a working one," JJ answered.

"Let me rephrase that, Miss Jareau. Did you know of a relationship that had consisted between the two of them?"

"You mean were they romantically close?"

"Yes, Miss Jareau, that's exactly what I mean."

"I would say they were very much Sean's parents," she spoke, and when Monica's face fell, she smiled for the first time since taking the stand.

"I'm done with her."

:::

"Miss Garcia, how long have you known Derek Morgan?"

"Since I started at the BAU," Penelope presented, it was clear she was nervous.

"Would you say he's a good father?"

"Yes, I would. I would say he's better than most fathers out there."

"And you were aware of his romantic relationship with your fellow teammate?"

"Yes."

"Would you know if Derek had ever cheated on Miss Goodman with Mr. Reid?"

"Derek isn't that type of person."

"Would you know, yes or no?"

"In my heart, I do, but since that isn't what you want to hear..._no_."

"Is it true that you and Miss Jareau helped Mr. Reid to move in mere weeks after Miss Goodman had departed to Michigan for her cousins wedding?

"Wedding? She abandoned Sean to Michigan for two years!"

"Miss Garcia..."

"No! She left them, and Spencer was the one who stood up to help him when no one else would. I helped him move in, all right, I helped him as best as I could because I knew he was giving all he could to Sean."

"That is all."

:::

"Please state your name."

"Spencer Reid."

"Mr. Reid, how long have you known Mr. Morgan?"

"Since I started at the BAU."

"Were you two close, then?"

"Not really."

"When would you say you two got close?"

"As friends?"

"Yes, as friends," Higgin's ground out.

"I don't know, we work closely together. He's saved my life more times than I can remember," Spencer spoke, eyes cast anywhere but on Derek.

"When did you two grow as more than friends, Mr. Reid?"

"A little over two years ago."

"Around the time Mr. Morgan abandoned his wife and child?"

"Derek never abandoned them," Spencer protested.

"Answer the question."

"No."

"Then when did you two become more than friends, Mr. Reid?"

"Four months after Charlotte had left to Michigan, and left a note stating she wasn't coming back," Spencer said, fear erased from his voice as he met her gaze dead on.

"How long were you and Mr. Morgan together?"

"A little over two years."

"And what caused the split?" she questioned, crossing her narrow arms over her chest as she waited for an answer.

"I don't think that's of any relevance."

"Mr. Reid, I'll ask you again..."

"And I'll tell you the same thing. That is not relevant to this," Spencer bit, and the judge agreed.

"Did you love him?"

"I did."

"And did he love you?"

"I believe he did," Spencer said, troubling his lip between his teeth.

"Did Sean ever wonder why he had two daddy's instead of a mommy and a daddy?" she questioned, again to see how far she could push him.

"No, he didn't. When he went to bed, one of us or both of us was there. We ate in the dinning room like a family. We went to the park together, like a family. If I could be so bold, I would say no, he didn't ask about having two dad's because he was too busy being in a loving _family_," Spencer proceeded, causing both Penelope and JJ to tear up. Derek just hung his head into his hands, it was too painful. Too much.

"That is all, Mr. Reid. You may step down.

:::

"Sweetheart, would you please state your name?"

"Sean Morgan."

"How old are you, Sean?"

"Six."

"Do you recognize who this woman is, Sean?" Monica questioned, pointing a finger in Charlotte's direction.

"Yeah."

"Who is she, Sean?"

"My mom."

"And do you love your mom, Sean?" Monica questioned, demeanor gentle compared to how she had treated everyone else.

"Yes," Sean whispered into the mic, staring in the direction where his mom sat.

"And you know your dad, of course?"

"Yeah, he's sitting right there," Sean pointed to where Derek sat, and Derek gave him a little smile.

"Do you love your daddy, Sean?"

"Yes."

"And you love your mommy?"

"Yes."

"If given the choice, who would you prefer to live with, your mommy or daddy?" Sean sat, eyebrows knitted together. "Your mommy here, or your daddy there."

"I would want to live with my other dad," Sean spoke.

"Your other daddy, Sean? You only have one dad."

"No, I have two. One is sitting there, and the other one his behind him. He's my dad, too."

"No, Sean, he's not."

"Spencer is my dad, too. He taught me how to tie my shoe and ride a bike, and we watch movies together, and when I get hurt, he always makes it better. He's my dad, _too,_" Sean argued, making it clear that he would not change his answer.

"If you could chose anyone else, Sean..."

"_No_. I don't want anyone else."

Spencer broke down, then. Standing up, he excused himself from the court room, and proceeded into the lobby where he practically collapsed onto the bench. That was the most heart breaking ordeal he had ever had to sit through. Spencer could handle serial killers, he could handle people digging into his life, but he could not handle his son being put through something like this. Penelope appeared a moment later, a crying Sean in her arms. Spencer took him from her, almost greedily as Sean held onto him for dear life.

"I want to go home with you," Sean cried, and Spencer simply held him closer.

"I know," he cried. "I wish you could, Sean."

The courtroom was dismissed, and both Derek and Charlotte were warned to get their act together. The entire time this had been going on, Charlotte was blind to how much Spencer meant to Sean. When she exited the court room, and saw Sean clinging to Spencer a great pain struck through her heart. Sean was still in Derek's custody, and when she went to get a hug from her son, she was met with an anger she had never seen in him before. Sean didn't want to hug her, didn't want to go home with Derek, all he wanted was Spencer.

"Please give mommy a hug," she begged.

Spencer looked up at her, eyes brimmed red. "Sean, give your mom a hug. She's missed you," he said, attempting to free himself of the child's tight grasp. Derek stood back, trying to collect himself, trying to not let himself fall apart. Emily brought him into a tight embrace, and Derek just couldn't help himself; he let a small amount of tears escape his eyes before regaining his composure.

Sean finally pulled away from Spencer, turning to hug his mom as she placed a kiss to his cheek. Sean let go, crawling back onto Spencer's lap. While his crying had stop, he still refused to leave Spencer's side. Spencer had to make the hard decision to gently push him away, saying that it was time he went home with Derek. Sean couldn't understand why they couldn't all leave together like they had, why Spencer wasn't in the house anymore.

Derek pulled him into his arms, and whispered, "Because daddy's been really bad, and made Spencer go away." Sean rubbed his eyes, pulling at the tie wrapped around his neck. Spencer stood, untying it for him, and placing it in his pocket. "Just say you're sorry," Sean said, staring at his father. "You always tell me to say sorry when I do something bad, so just tell him you're sorry, and he can come home," he added, pleading. Derek held him tighter, kissing Sean's forehead.

"It's not that simple, little man," was all he said before telling Sean to say goodbye. Charlotte had already left, and it was just a bitter reminder of why they were here.

"Bye, dad," Sean waved, and Spencer didn't want to let go of his hand. The small fingers slipping away from his own.

"Goodbye, Sean."


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** I Raise My White Flag

**Rating:** General.

**Pairing:** Morgan/Reid

**Summary:** Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned

**Authors Note:** Well, everyone, this has been loads of fun! Thanks for following along for the ride, there will be a short piece after this, but I don't think I can go much further. Thank you for all of the reviews and kind words, and constructive criticism, it's all been very much appreciated.

_**I Raise My White Flag**_

_**Chapter Nine**_

Spencer stood, stunned in the doorway as Charlotte stood in front of him. A mere two months had past since he had been called in for their custody case, and Sean had stated he wanted to live with Spencer and no one else. Charlotte asked if she could come in, and it took Spencer some time to say yes. Spencer directed her to take a seat in the kitchen; it was a small kitchen, his entire apartment could account as one room. Spencer offered her a drink, but she declined.

She still appeared very ill, thinner now than she had been, and her bright face now looked gaunt. She was sober now, but far from content. Spencer sat across from her, unsure how she even knew where he lived. Spencer kept in contact with Sean, of course, but that was scheduled with Derek, and even that relationship was strained. Whatever the reason, she appeared ready to talk and Spencer had determined less than five minutes ago that he was eager to listen. The yellow in her eyes looked gold as the sun streaked across her face from the adjacent window, she attempted to smile, but it fell short.

"I don't want to do this anymore," she said, face solemn as she spoke. "I don't want to put Sean through this anymore, and I don't want to be angry anymore," she added.

Spencer didn't know what to say, and nodded his head to show her he understood.

"I haven't been able to forget that day, you know? I haven't forgotten how Sean doesn't want either of us in his life, because we both make him so..._miserable_," she choked on the last word, tissue clutched in her hand rubbed at her nose.

"I wanted to hurt Derek so badly, because I felt like he had ruined my life. I felt like he had everything, and I was left with nothing. I went to Michigan, and I tried to forget that I ever had a family to begin with, but treatment...it doesn't work like that. I had to fight my demons, and I realize now that...I wasn't conquering them, I was letting them use me. I was letting the anger cloud my judgement, and instead of doing what's best for Sean, I did what I felt would avenge me. I've turned him against the both of us, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for putting you through all of this," she finished, wiping her nose again before throwing away the tissue.

"Does Derek know about this?" Spencer inquired.

"He will by tomorrow afternoon. I've already spoke with my lawyer, I'm seeking joint custody. I don't want to take Sean away from where he's grown up, but I don't want to stay in Virginia. I just want to see him on holidays and during summer break, and things like that," she replied.

"I want to be angry with you, Charlotte, I really do, but I can't. I think we can both agree that the situation wasn't ideal, and that we've all have had to suffer. I'm not angry, not really, because being angry would mean I care about you, and I don't. I care about Sean, and I care about Derek in a way that I don't think I'll ever be able to stop, and that's really it."

"And that's completely understandable," was the last thing she said before standing to leave.

Spencer sat at the small rounded table for a long time, drinking coffee that had gone cold, and attempting to digest all that had happened. The fear he felt still lingered, but it wasn't as overbearing as it had been. In fact, Spencer felt lighter now then he had in a while. Charlotte had left him a piece of paper that listed Parents Day at Sean's school, she told him he should be there. Spencer thought about it for a while, battling himself over whether or not he should attend.

In the face of all things, Derek and Spencer were more than likely never to repair their relationship. The trust that had been broken between them had snapped them in half. While it was obvious that neither was handling the break up well, Spencer had to face the fact that Derek could possibly find someone in the future, and whoever that would be, would replace him in his role in Sean's life. The thought was devastating, but no less true. Sean already had parents that had broken in two, he didn't need another cracked fragment to confuse him. The ache in his chest wouldn't cease to stop, however, and Spencer knew that no new person in Derek's life could ever replace him.

Spencer had been there since before Sean was born, and he would be there long after.

:::

Derek was vacuuming the living room when he received the call, he flipped the switch to turn off the machine as Sean handed him the phone. "Hello?" he asked, even though he knew it was John, his lawyer, calling to inform him that something had changed.

"Derek, hey man, I've got some news," John said happily over the phone.

"What now?"

"Charlotte wants joint custody, and better, she only wants him on the holidays," he replied, and Derek froze.

"Are you being completely serious?"

"Yes, I am. And if you're not doing anything this afternoon, you could come in to go over the paperwork, sign and be on your merry little way."

"What made her change her mind?" he found himself asking, disbelief painted over his face.

"I don't know, but she'll be here at three."

"Three it is."

Derek could not believe this was real. After all he had been put through, he couldn't believe that Charlotte was sitting across from him, Monica to her left looking less than pleased. Sean sat to his right, not enough time to drop him off somewhere. Derek didn't know what to say, whether to be angry or thankful, so he decided on both. Derek's eyes scanned over the paperwork that asked for his signature and initial at the bottom, before resting his gaze back on Charlotte.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked, as Sean twirled around in his seat.

"Honestly, he did." Charlotte smiled at the little boy before meeting Derek's stare. "I want us to be civil, because I want Sean to be happy. And I want us to be able to be happy, too. I was angry, and petty, and vengeful...and I hurt the one thing that matters most to me in this world, and that's Sean. I forced Spencer to take on that role, knowing that you two shared something we would never be able to have, and I can't be angry at Spencer for doing a phenomenal job in my absence."

Derek froze at Spencer's name, his gaze had morphed into a glare as he remembered all she had put them through. The life they could have had together, the life they were living when she showed up so unexpectedly. The one time Derek had dropped his guard, had loved someone and had been happy, she came in and ripped it out from underneath him. Derek bit his tongue, he was no better. In fact, he had done the same to Charlotte, but in a completely different manner. Charlotte, Derek forced himself to remember, was Sean's mother, and he needed her as much as she needed him.

"You two will have to work some details out, but other than that, everything looks to be in order," John announced, and Derek nodded his head.

Derek signed his name at the bottom, and smiled happily at Sean. The tension had eased, yes, but his heart was still heavy. Derek pushed himself away and up out of his chair, Sean following him as he held his hand. Today was Parents Day, and Derek had promised Sean he would go with him. Charlotte tagged along as well, and it was their first exercise in being selfless. The aspect of her being with them grew easier the closer they got to Sean's school, he was excited and it showed.

"Park near the car riders section," Charlotte instructed.

"Why, is that closer?" Derek asked.

"No, that's where I told him to be."

"Told..." Derek stopped mid-sentence as he saw Spencer's car in the parking lot. Derek had wanted to buy him a new car, but Spencer refused, he was emotionally attached to the thing.

:::

"Dad!" Sean shouted happily, and Spencer couldn't help the smile that carried over his features as the small boy ran up to him, arms open wide as he hugged him, nearly tackling him to the ground. Derek got out of the car, surprised to see Spencer there.

"Come on, Sean. Your teacher isn't going to introduce himself, is he?" Charlotte questioned as Sean continued to barrage Spencer with conversation. Spencer and Sean walked ahead of Charlotte and Derek, and watching them together made Derek's chest swell painfully tight.

"I think he has us both beat in this aspect," Charlotte commented, but no malice lined her voice, merely sadness. It would be a long time before she was ever genuinely happy again.

"I think you're right," Derek added, keeping the door open for the other parents entering the room. The four of them stood to the far left of the room as Sean's teacher, Mr. Brooks, introduced himself.

Sean dragged Spencer along to introduce him to his teacher, motioning for Derek and Charlotte to do the same. "Mr. Brooks, this is my family," Sean said excitedly. Mr. Brooks was a younger man with blonde hair that moved to the left more than any other direction and green eyes. The slender point of his nose made him look almost snobbish, but his smile quickly dissolved that notion; it was so open and friendly. The three waved awkwardly in return, but Mr. Brooks said nothing but a warm, "Hello."

"Sean reads above average, and as I'm sure you've seen, has all outstanding remarks on every project and assignment he's turned in," Mr. Brooks carried on, and Derek felt proud.

Spencer did, too. What he had taught Sean, he had remembered, and had applied it to the best of his abilities. Sean showed him the arts and crafts they did for the planets, mars being his favorite was more decorated than the others. "Look, I painted Wolfgang and Clooney!" he shouted, bouncing on his feet as he showed them.

"That's really good, Sean, we need to get you a paint set," Spencer smiled, taking this all in.

Derek leaned towards him; wanting to embrace this moment with him, but couldn't. Spencer turned his head towards him, well meaning little smile there as he told him how Sean was on his way to Harvard already with a wink of his eye. When Spencer spoke, Derek couldn't help but turn his head to the side a little, it was usually on his tangents that he would lean in to kiss Spencer. Derek wanted to; he really wanted to reach over and bring Spencer in for a kiss, but once again, he resisted. The loneliness and endless nights of laying awake thinking of him, wishing there was some way they could fix all of this, it was still there.

The only thing he would think about at night.

"You should talk to him," Charlotte said, peering in from Derek's right.

"I think whatever I want, whatever we had, is beyond repair," Derek said, and what he didn't add was the fact that it was all Charlotte's fault, because that wasn't civil, and civil was what his son deserved. Derek also didn't say anything, because when push came to shove, he made the decision to direct Spencer out of his life.

"You never know unless you try, and I know you don't want to hear that from me, but ask anyone who knows you, Derek. Spencer will never not love Sean, and he will never not be in love with you."

Derek thought about it, but didn't say anything out loud. This was not the moment for such things, he concluded, and if he ever decided to seek something with Spencer, it would be later on. Sean needed stability, and he couldn't keep changing things around in his life whenever he felt like it, even if Sean wanted Spencer back, that didn't mean Spencer wanted to be back. It didn't mean that Spencer wanted to be with him. The feeling that train of thought caused him pained him greatly, but he stood back, took a deep breath, and tried to live in the moment.


	10. Chapter 10

Spencer sits idly in his seat, lost in his own thoughts. Charlotte was back in Michigan, getting better with every day. Spencer felt, in a odd little sense, happy for her. Sean was doing phenomenal in school, and Spencer had attended his first play, which he admits, Sean was quite the talking pumpkin, even if he forgot a few of his lines, he made it up with his charisma.

The crease in between his brow increases as he thinks about how different his life is from how he imagined it would be a few years back, and he can't decide if this is better then his previous outlook, or worse, really, it was just _different_. "You're going to get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that," Derek says, coffee mug in hand as he sits across from him.

"Eventually, everyone wrinkles," Spencer replies, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips so tightly, he feels as though they might rip apart, and leave him without a mouth. In a nightmare, Spencer had a similar occurrence once.

Derek's eyes are so dark they reflect everything around them, and Spencer hates to see his face in those marvelous orbs, they're so revealing. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong if you don't want to, but no matter what, I will always ask," he says, and Spencer lowers his head, collecting himself.

A brief set of words could set him free, or damn him forever.

"I was just thinking about...how I imagined what my life would be at this point," he says, licking his lips in a nervous manner he so often does. "And, I use to imagine being alone most of the time, because I was just so...heartbroken, in a sense? I was okay with you being married, and okay with us never happening, and okay with spending my life alone or somewhat halfhearted with someone else," he trails off, not exactly sure where this is going anymore.

"I was complete fine with that, but things got complicated, and _this_, I'm not sure what _this_ is that we have going on, and I don't do well without structure, Derek," Spencer says, and it comes out more as a plea then anything else.

Derek stares at him, eyes piercing him like a dagger as he tilts his head slightly to the side, eyebrows raised in alarm and a meek sort of concern. "I messed up so badly, Spence. I placed you into a impossible situation, and I don't know, everything I did was wrong, but when we were together, living together, raising Sean, I have never, _never_ felt more happy or right in my life."

Derek shrugs absentmindedly before continuing. "I, after the court hearing, I just wanted you to come home. I needed you so badly, but I pushed you away, and I'm sorry for that, no matter how much I say that, it'll never be enough. I broke your trust, I broke our friendship, and I lost your respect, and it kills me every day when I think about it."

Spencer looks at him, almost fondly as he says, "Can we fix this?"

"I think we can," Derek says, and there is so much force and conviction in his voice that Spencer can't think to doubt him.

"I want to."

"I want you to come home, Sean wants you to come home; it's all he talks about," Derek says, and his hands are palm side up on the table, and Spencer doesn't ignore the urge to reach out and place his hands into Derek's.

"This really isn't work appropriate, but we're on our way home, so...," Spencer trails off, leaning forward to place a soft kiss to Derek's lips, and while the other man definitely wants more, wants to turn that soft kiss into something more, he relents. That could wait, he decides.

The decision to return to Derek's house, his house, is amazingly easy considering. Sean is overjoyed to have him so near again, and he loves having a large house to care for the ever growing boy, watching him grow. Spencer hates moving, he really does, but it is a promise that this is the last time; that both Derek and Spencer were here to stay.

"You are not going for that cookie jar, are you?" Spencer inquires as Sean turns around quickly, caught red-handed.

"No," he lies, glasses slumped on his nose as his hair sticks out wildly, tangled from playing outside all day.

"Sean."

"I'm sorry," he says, and Spencer grins. The child was definitely a charmer, that much was obvious, but he was also a sensitive boy who took everything to heart, and a terrible liar.

"What did you do that's bad?"

"I lied."

"You lied, and you know that's not a nice thing to do. What are you going to do?"

"Not lie."

"That sounds reasonable," Spencer smiles, walking towards the counter before retrieving two cookies. Dinner wasn't ready yet, but one cookie couldn't possibly hurt.

"Thanks, dad," Sean smiles, hands wrapping around his waist as Spencer leans down to place a kiss to the top of his head.

"You need to wash up, and tell Danny to stop splashing mud on your pants!" Spencer calls out as Sean runs out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, tripping half the way up before screaming he was alright.

"You let him get away with too much," Derek comments, coming in from the garage, traces of oil covering most of his upper body.

Spencer grins, moving towards him, placing a kiss to his lips. "I really wanted a cookie, too," he laughs, and Derek joins in.

Derek moves to wrap his arms around him, but Spencer dodges him. "You're filthy, go shower!" he yells, but Derek is relentless, chasing him around the kitchen. "Stop!"

"What, you don't want me to hug you?" he calls out, trying to corner Spencer in the living room, not expecting the other man to lunge over the couch.

"This is a new shirt!" Spencer screams, and it was, and it was nice, and purple.

"You don't even work this hard when I force you to work out!" Derek laughs, tackling Spencer at the ends of the stairs, making sure to rub his upper half along Spencer's dress shirt.

"You suck," Spencer laughs, face in a half serious scowl.

"I wanted you to take a shower with me," Derek says honestly, placing himself between Spencer's thighs to level off his weight.

"You could have just asked me," Spencer says, making no attempts at moving.

"I thought this way was better," Derek answers.

Spencer rolls his eyes. "I have to watch the chicken."

"It's got, like, another hour."

"If the house burns down, it's on you."

"I will take that risk."

Derek stands, offering Spencer a helping hand that the other man takes. The two make their way upstairs, but as they pass Sean's bathroom door they notices a sea of bubbles pouring out through the opening. "Sean," Derek says, and he knocks on the door once before opening it. Spencer peers in, bubbles filling every nook and cranny.

"Sean," Derek calls out again, and when a small figure lunges from the top of the sink, Spencer yelps as Sean appears in his Captain America costume.

"I'm not Sean, I'm Captain America!" he declares, hands on his hips.

"What are you doing?" both Spencer and Derek ask at the same time.

"I'm working with Namor!"

"Well Namor needs to go back into the ocean, Cap, and Sean needs to get cleaned up, or Sean's going to be grounded, got it?"

"I will tell Sean, it is my duty!" Sean says before disappearing into the bubbles once again.

"And Sean better have this cleaned up," Derek adds, and a muffled okay is what he receives in return.

Derek shakes his head, Spencer behind him with his hand over his mouth to stifle out the laughter. "You sure you're glad to be back?" Derek questions jokingly. Spencer places a arm over his shoulder, bringing his body closer before placing a kiss to his cheek. "_Very_."


End file.
